Breaking up for Half Term – 17th October 2019

Today follows the routine of a normal Thursday except it’s the last day of activities before half term.

So this morning was the last session of ballet before she broke up. We ended up arriving really early. So early that the gate for the halls car park wasn’t open. I tried to turn around and park in the housing estate but when I started to turn the car around Bella became hysterical, screaming at me. She’s been feeling a bit poorly recently and that was definitely noticeable with her reaction. In the end I parked at the gate and waited patiently for the gate to open.

Bella had a ball. She joined in nicely with all the activities. She seemed to enjoy playing with one of the little girl who sit next to us in class. They were chasing each other around and playing peek a boo. It was really cute.

Bella actually played with Miss Paige today rather than running away from her all the time. She even answered Miss Paige’s questions. They have one activity which is basically Old MacDonald and they have to tell Miss Paige what noises the animals make. Even though Bella knows the animal noises they make she will never tell Miss Paige. Thankfully today she was willing to answer.

At the end of class Bella had lovely cuddles with Twinkl. I think it was to make her feel better. I’m actually surprised that she joined in as much as she did. I expected her to be curled up in my lap most of class.

After ballet we went home to get Bella ready for nursery. Normally she plays with her toys after ballet but today with her feeling poorly she decided she was going to snuggle up with blanket and watch TV. I snuggled with her for a little bit. I don’t like it when she’s feeling like this. It bugs me because she’s not fully sick. She just feels rubbish and there’s nothing I can really do or give her to make her feel better.

While Bella ate her lunch, tried to plait her hair. Today is Princess day at nursery. I was planning on sending her in as Princess Anna from Frozen. So of course she needed plaits.

I was so happy, I actually managed to put in two french plaits in Bella’s hair. It looked so cute.

Now annoyingly as I was getting Bella ready for nursery and putting her in her Princess Anna dress I discovered her dress needed washing. I was so gutted as her Anna dress is a cheap knock off one from ebay, whereas the rest of her princess dresses are official Disney ones. You know I didn’t really want one of her Disney ones coming back with paint on it but now I had no choice,

Luckily I sorted out her Aurora dress. I didn’t really want her to wear that one but she couldn’t wear her Ariel one as that’s a very tight dress so she wouldn’t be able to run about in it. I looked up the washing details on her Aurora dress and that filled me with a little hope. I managed to get the hoop out of the skirt. That was so I could get her into the car seat and also to make it easier for Bella to have fun at nursery without worrying about her stupid skirt.

Once Bella was dressed we headed off to nursery. She looked so cute with her little pigtails and her princess dress. The whole way to nursery Bella was going ‘I’m a Princess, I’m a Princess’ She was so excited to go and play with all the other princesses.

I’ve taken to going for a walk while Bella is at nursery. I used to go for walks all the time but to help with my stress and anxiety I’ve started to try and walk at least once a day. In the past when my anxiety was so bad and I had time to I would take up to 4 walks a day. and when I walk I don’t walk slowly. I end up coming home exhausted but at least I’ve been able to have some me time just me and my music and I’ve done some exercise as well.

Soon it was time to go pick Bella up from nursery. She seemed to have had a brilliant time at nursery but she was so happy to see me. We headed home but we didn’t stay in for long. With Rachel being in France I’ve been looking after her Guinea Pigs. Now I’ve been walking over to Rachel’s of an evening after dinner. With Daly on days it’s meant I could actually get on with my day but rather than lazing in front of the TV go feed the Guinea Pigs and get in a walk without worrying about Bella.

Now is Daly is out tonight for darts so I decided Bella and I were gonna walk over now. I changed her outfit and we got the pram out of the car.

Annoyingly just as we set off down to Rachel’s it started to rain. Bella sat in her pram, chilling out with her blanket while I got wet. We eventually made it to Rachel’s and dashed in from the rain.

Now while I started to feed the Guinea Pigs Bella disappeared off into the living room, I guessed to play with her toys. I gave the Guinea Pigs their nuggets and hay and then started on their fresh food.

At that point Bella decided she was going to rejoin me. We got a chair and popped it in the kitchen so Bella could join me up at the side. I cut up the veg and then Bella put them all in the bowl for me.

We then popped the bowl in the cage, checked their water and then headed out. Bella opened the front door and headed out into the rain. I grabbed the pram and went out behind Bella. While I was locking the door Bella was standing out in the rain with the baby. I finally convinced her to get in the pram so we could walk to Aldi. I didn’t really want Bella to get too wet and getting more ill. I convinced her to get in the pram so Bella’s baby didn’t get wet.

We walked round to Aldi so we could pick up some chicken for dinner. I knew Jess was planning on coming to ours after work so I needed something I could cook for all of us. As we queued up I looked down at Bella in the pram and realised the baby in her hands wasn’t Bella’s baby from home, it was her baby from auntie Rachel’s. I started to freak out. I thought we had come out with our baby from home.

Once we got out of the shop I searched the whole pram including under Bella. No baby. I started to freak right out! We hurried back to Rachel’s to see if Bella had left baby there. I ran into the house and searched everywhere Bella had been – still no baby.

Now to a normal person it wouldn’t seem like a big deal. Bella had a baby doll similar to her one from home and seemed happy, what’s the big deal if Bella had lost her baby. The problem was mum bought Bella her baby. She had found it in a charity shop and before mum had even finished asking if Bella wanted the doll, Bella had ripped it’s hat off and adopted it as her own. That doll is the favourite thing mum bought Bella and Rachel and I have both decided it will kill us if she ever loses it. I think it means so much to us because if she loses it we think that’s her closest connection to mum. It just means so much to us.

Now, no baby at Rachel’s so we walked home the same way we had walked to Rachel’s. I was panicking the whole way, searching the ground and walls as we walked looking for the baby. No sign of it. The closer we got to home the more I tried to reason with myself that baby was at home. I told myself if Bella had dropped baby on the way she would have screamed and cried and dove out of the pram. She climbs out all the time and a baby being dropped would be a definite reason to jump out. I reasoned with myself she hadn’t done this so it had to be at home.

The made it home and I ran in the house with Bella to find baby. The relief I felt when I saw baby sitting on the edge of the sofa. I was so relieved I actually had to leave the room and went and stood by the front door and cried. I cried over my daughter toy potentially being missing. I’m seriously loosing it.

With my anxiety so high I needed something to calm me. I sorted out Bella’s pram before returning inside to see what Bella was up to. Not long after Joe turned up closely followed by Daly. That was my cue to go and get a drink. I still had a few Bulmers chilling in the fridge so I cracked open one of them.

We all enjoyed chatting and chilling while we waited for Jess to finish work. I set about cooking in the kitchen so we could all have a decent dinner. Soon dinner was cooked and Joe returned with Jess. It was time to all sit down at the table.

I sent Daly off to find a spare chair for the dinner table. We hadn’t had extra people for dinner in ages. Well more than one that is. Daly then laid the table for me and I placed dinner on the table. Bella told us all where we were going to sit and then we sat down to enjoy.

Soon after dinner every body headed off to darts and Bella and I were left alone. Bella played and watched TV in the run up to bed time.

I popped her to bed and then decided I was going to have some me time. I had a relaxing shower and then gave my face a full pamper. My skin has been breaking out really badly. It hasn’t been this bad since I was at uni. I’ve even had to resort to buying medicated face wash to try and ease the spots. I hate it!

I gave my face a face mask first to try and get rid of all the grime and dead skin. It was quite nice having some chilled time in bed but the face mask felt amazing. I could feel my skin starting to feel better as it dried. I’m thinking I need to do a face mask more often. It might help my skin.

After the face mask I treated my skin with some Freederm face wash followed by the treatment gel. I just hope my skin starts to get better soon. It’s just stressing me out more.

Anyways, night all and let’s see what adventures tomorrow holds for us.

Love CiCi x

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