Another day battling Anxiety – 16th August 2019

Today had not been a great day. My anxiety has been sky high recently but it seems to be coming to a head at the moment. I can’t seem to shift that fight and flight feeling at the moment. I had a terrible nights sleep last night. I tried everything to try to get to sleep but I could not actually doze off.

I ended up lead in bed watching my antianxiety movie – Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. I always watch this feel when I feel low or my anxiety is high. It normally helps me calm down and I fall asleep to it. Instead, however, I ended up being wide awake still highly anxious and ended up playing solitaire with a pack of cards I had found.

My head was also killing me, I’m sure my anxiety is causing my migraines to flare up. I ended up taking my migraine pain killers to try and ease it with the hopes I would start to feel better and calmer. My migraine pills tend to make me drowsy as well so that actually helped me to finally doze off.

Not that I was asleep for long. Bella was at her gate yelling ‘mummy’ at 5.30am. I told her that daddy would be home soon but she was aloud to play. She needed to let mummy sleep.

After managing to get a few more hours of sleep I eventually got up and Bella and I ventured downstairs. Bella had asked to watch The Smurfs movie last night but I had told her she didn’t have enough time last night to watch it she would have to watch it tomorrow. She still wanted to watch it so I had a look to see if it was on Netflix. I couldn’t find The Smurfs movie but I did find The Lost Village so we watched this one first.

Once she’d finished watching The Lost Village she still wanted to watch The Smurf movie. So I gave in and popped the DVD in for her.

While Bella was watching The Smurfs I set about getting the washing done. I really need to stay on top of our washing. I always end up leaving it to build up so there’s several big loads of washing but the weather has kinda turned at the moment. It is not ideal drying weather outside. So I’ve been working on these loads of washing but I get so annoyed with the drying horses being around the house. At the moment my dinning room table is currently the location for my washing that is drying.

Bella and I went upstairs to wake Daly. I was actually going upstairs to wake him myself but I’m guessing Bella wanted to help. Her and Daly have got into this cute routine when it’s time for him to wake up. She will come and help me wake him and then they have a mini wrestling session. After their wrestling Bella disappeared off into her room and then reappeared with a crown and wand.

I kept asking Bella if she was a princess. Bella’s reply ‘No! Queen!’ My daughter definitely has some sass. I asked her if she wanted to go downstairs and put on one of her princess dresses.

We went downstairs and Bella decided she wanted to dress up as Aurora. Rachel had bought her the dress a week or two ago but she’d been refusing to wear it. I was so happy she finally wanted to try it on. She was stunning in her dress. Both Daly and I said she was already a carnival queen. She asked Daly to pop her crown on for her.

It was so cute, she was walking around the house holding her skirt up so she didn’t step on the hoop. The crown ended up being removed after a while. In the post I had received her new princess bows so I wondered if she wanted to wear her Aurora one but she didn’t so I asked if she want to wear the Aurora ears instead. This seemed to be a hit. Not that she would let either of us take a photo of her though.

Sadly Daly had to go to work and Bella very quickly didn’t want to wear the dress anymore. It was a shame as she looked so pretty but fair enough. While Bella entertained herself playing I busied myself cleaning. I decided to sort out parts of the dining room. It had been bugging me that there was a pile of dads stuff on the counter in the dining room. I decided I was going to box some more bits up and then they wouldn’t be stressing my out forming little piles all over the place.

I boxed the items up and did some washing up. I think I definately take after my mum. Mess causes me anxiety and tidy seems to help it a little bit. It didn’t seem to be working too well though. My anxiety was still through the roof.

I decided another way to relax myself would be to have a cup of tea, chill on the sofa with some Friends episodes and I lit my candles for mummy. I mean she used to make me feel better and this is the closest I can get short of going round to Rachel’s and hugging and urn. And I mean that’s just creepy in my mind, also I’m clumsy so knowing my luck I’d drop the urn on me and I’d be covered in mummy dust. I know mum always said mummy spit protected us but I’m not sure about mummy dust. Interesting concept.

I’ve recently been craving spicy food as I’d said yesterday. I had bought some tacos a few days ago and I thought we have them tonight. With my anxiety it meant I was getting really impatient. Cooking seems to relax me and annoyingly the tacos only take 15 minutes to cook altogether. I tried to drag the cooking out a little bit longer but it didn’t really work.

I sorted out the cheese and salsa and cooked the mince to go inside the tacos. It was a lovely little set up we had with all the bowls with various bits to put in the tacos. I was a little worried Bella wouldn’t like it but it turns out she loved it. Especially the salsa. She just kept asking for more.

Hopefully she will enjoy my attempt at chilli soon.

Anyways, night all and let’s see what adventures tomorrow holds for us.

Love CiCi x

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