Where I’ve been – Life update

I apologise for being MIA. I’ve been dealing with a lot of stuff and it’s been boring. Not really blog worthy. That’s why there have been a few Mini Blogs going up and normal blogs on the odd occasion but not regularly posting like I used to.

We’ve been trying to sort the house out to put it on the market to sell. Dad keeps saying he’d like me to buy it off him but I don’t think I want it. I mean this was my family home and yes there’s good memories here but the last two years have kinda tarnished the nice memories. I mean this is the house my mother died in – and recently I swear I keep seeing and hearing her.

This was my parents home where they made a life and then it crumbled. I don’t want to live under that roof. So we’ve been sorting through each room trying to get rid of things we don’t want and selling things that still have a bit of life in them.

Bella now has her own room, we just need to organise it so it’s fully hers. At the moment it’s full of clothes, some which are too small, some to sell, some to box up for if we ever have another. There are so many princess decorations I need to put up on her wall as well. Just happy she has her own place. Just means I can’t snuggle up with her of a night anymore. I think I was doing that more for my own anxiety relief.

We now have our own room as well. We’ve completely moved into what was my sisters room and then the guest room. Rachel claimed all her stuff was out of it but turns out I found quite a bit of her stuff so I’ve had to pull it all out and it’s currently sat waiting for Rachel to go through it all.

I think we’ve made a start, even if it’s only a little start, in each room. It’s been hard though going through all of mum’s stuff. Rachel is pretty ruthless when it comes to organising or sorting through things. I however find it really hard. I’ve struggled with going through mum’s stuff. I’ve found I’ve pretty much just been picking mum’s things up and just moving it from one place to another as I can’t deal with actually sorting it out. I know I need to. I know I can’t cling on to everything and I need to start to process everything but it’s too hard.

This is why I haven’t been blogging. My head has been in no place to write and I have had hard enough time dealing with all of this stuff personally without having to write it down for other people to read and go through it all again. I’m one of these people that doesn’t want to process it the first time and would rather just ignore things and pretend it never happened.

With all the sorting of the house we haven’t really done anything else. I’ve cleaned but that’s not really blog worthy.

So I’m back in some form. I’m hoping I can get back on top of blogging but with all the stress of trying to get my head round the situation at the moment and try to become emotionally settled. This does mean there is a risk of me ‘shutting down’ at times as I try to deal with whatever is going on. So please bare with me and enjoy the ride and my crazy broken brain.

Love CiCi x

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