My days started out pretty good. I mean I hadn’t been feeling a hundred percent myself. I had gone to bed feeling extremely anxious last night but it had eased slightly by this morning.
Bella got me up early this morning wanting to go downstairs and outside. I had sorted out the water tray for her. She keeps putting sand in it for some reason. Even though I repeatedly tell her not to. But then again like a two year old is going to listen to her parent.
Even though we’d had a storm last night the air was still extremely muggy and humid. I needed to get my nervous energy out so I tidied. I suppose it’s a good thing that that’s how my anxiety is manifesting itself at the moment. I’m actually getting the tidying done.
I started off with the living room, just popping clothes in a pile to be sorted and taken up. Making sure all of Bella’s toys were in her play room. I’m trying to keep the floor and sofas free of clutter.
As the weather was warm I guessed it would be the perfect time to get some washing out on the line. I sorted out all the washing from the washing basket in to piles ready to get some going. I took the washing basket upstairs to fill it with the washing that had been sitting up there but was then faced with a problem. The basket was too heavy for me to carry back downstairs. I woke Daly and asked him to bring it downstairs when he came down. He wasn’t too happy but he actually did it.
I got my washing out on the line and then we got ready to go out. Our regular Tuesday outing to the pub. Daly was not satisfied with his shirt so decided he was going to iron it. He moaned that I don’t iron his shirts but I am a bit too much of a perfectionist when I iron. I mean it takes me like an hour to iron one shirt. Mum used to play me to iron dad’s shirts because I enjoyed doing it but after she saw how long it took me she didn’t see the point in me doing it. So I don’t iron – if I did, I’d never have time for anything else.
W eventually made it out of the house and the three of us went to the pub. Bella was happy to see Cathy and Nathan and even Ed behind the bar. It was so cute when we got there. One of the regulars has a little dog that wanders about. Completely harmless, lovely temperament. Now Bella normally avoids dogs, she’s scared of them for some reason but we let her take animals in her stride. It’s up to her if she approaches them. Now today she surprised us all and decided she was going to play with this dog. She was skipping around with him and they were chasing each other. She even got upset when the dog went outside because she wasn’t allowed to follow him.
I sat at the bar and chatted with Cathy and Ed. I’d also brought my laptop with me because I was trying to get through a back log of photos I have. Best to try and do it when I can because the pile is only going to grow. While I was sat at the bar the bad anxiety I had last night had come back. I even doubled my meds like the doctor has advised in the hopes it would ease and I could stay with my friends.
However after half an hour it hadn’t eased at all. I had to ask Daly to take me home. There was no way I was going to be able to walk home on my own. I’d have a break down. So we said goodbye to everyone and I went home.
When I got home I got my PJs on and snuggled on the sofa with Bella. I was still highly anxious. So films was how my afternoon was going to go. Luckily Bella was in a calm, sofa sitting mood rather than wanting to run around and be outside. I was happy hiding in the corner under my blanket.
As the afternoon went on Bella and I played doctors. I was her patient lead on the sofa. She checked my eyes, gave me some medicine, checked my heart beat and then wanted to cut my tummy open. No idea why but she was adimant my tummy needed cutting open. I told her that’s how the doctors got her out of my tummy but she didn’t really care.
Next she was the patient. She didn’t like it when I tried to cut her tummy open. Not fair. It’s alright for her to cut me open but not the other way round. I mean talk about double standards. As I wasn’t allowed to perform an operation on Bella I did it on baby instead. That seemed to go down a lot better.
I wasn’t feeling up for cooking even though my anxiety had eased a little bit. So I chucked a pizza in the oven. Bella was excited, she loves pizza.
Hopefully my anxiety starts to ease off. I don’t want to be stuck in the house. Especially with a toddler who gets fed up of being stuck inside.
Anyways night all and let’s see what adventures tomorrow holds for us.
Love CiCi x